1 00:00:03,393 --> 00:00:05,027 On tonight's Top Gear, 2 00:00:05,060 --> 00:00:07,127 Jamie Oliver's meals on wheels... 3 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:08,593 Oh, my Lord! 4 00:00:08,627 --> 00:00:12,760 A German sledgehammer in a velvet bag, 5 00:00:12,793 --> 00:00:15,993 and which is the fastest political party? 6 00:00:20,027 --> 00:00:23,827 Hello and welcome. We've got a bit of a luxury theme going on tonight. 7 00:00:23,860 --> 00:00:27,293 We've got a drinks globe with some Tia Maria in it, 8 00:00:27,327 --> 00:00:29,093 we've got an onyx coffee table. 9 00:00:29,127 --> 00:00:32,793 That is a sumptuous Wall's Viennetta, 10 00:00:32,827 --> 00:00:37,960 and appropriately enough, that is the new Rolls-Royce Phantom. 11 00:00:37,993 --> 00:00:42,293 Have you ever seen anything quite so enormous? 12 00:00:42,327 --> 00:00:46,860 I mean, look at this. This is the wheel from our Suzuki Liana. 13 00:00:46,893 --> 00:00:51,527 Now, compare it, if you will, to the wheel of the Rolls-Royce. 14 00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:56,193 And that is its engine! A 6.7 litre V12. 15 00:00:56,227 --> 00:00:59,603 The last time I was in anything that had an engine that big, 16 00:00:59,627 --> 00:01:01,027 it had a captain! 17 00:01:01,060 --> 00:01:04,727 Everything about this car is vast. 18 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:06,427 So to test it, 19 00:01:06,460 --> 00:01:10,693 I took it to the home of that other great automotive colossus. 20 00:01:10,727 --> 00:01:13,393 John Prescott. 21 00:01:13,427 --> 00:01:14,860 I went to Hull. 22 00:01:23,893 --> 00:01:28,327 So, let's see. Is this car good enough to wear the flying lady? 23 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:31,627 Or shall we keep her hidden in shame? 24 00:01:42,327 --> 00:01:48,260 This is nice. Instead of a rev counter, I've got a power reserve dial. 25 00:01:48,293 --> 00:01:51,693 I'm currently doing 60 miles an hour and according to that, 26 00:01:51,727 --> 00:01:55,760 I've got 90% of the engine's power still in reserve, 27 00:01:55,793 --> 00:01:58,393 just in case of emergencies. 28 00:01:58,427 --> 00:01:59,527 That's good. 29 00:02:03,227 --> 00:02:07,927 In the old Rolls-Royces, the ones from the '60s and '70s, '80s even, 30 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:11,060 there was wind noise, there was tyre noise, there was engine noise. 31 00:02:11,093 --> 00:02:13,860 The only reason you could hear the clock ticking at 100 miles an hour 32 00:02:13,893 --> 00:02:16,360 is because the clock was so damn loud! 33 00:02:18,093 --> 00:02:20,760 But this is like a whisper in the vestry. 34 00:02:32,427 --> 00:02:34,393 It's a frugal car, too. 35 00:02:34,427 --> 00:02:38,527 I drove it up to Yorkshire yesterday, and got 18 miles to the gallon! 36 00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:47,193 So it's quieter and more economical than I was expecting. 37 00:02:47,227 --> 00:02:50,393 And it's easier to drive. 38 00:02:52,260 --> 00:02:55,127 I imagined that driving this car through a village 39 00:02:55,160 --> 00:03:00,493 would be a bit like trying to thread an oil rig through someone's letter box. 40 00:03:00,527 --> 00:03:04,927 But it's not that difficult, actually, I mean, I know it's 14 miles long, 41 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:07,227 but it's actually quite narrow. It's six inches narrower, 42 00:03:07,260 --> 00:03:11,893 for instance, than a Range Rover. So it's quite easy, relatively. 43 00:03:15,893 --> 00:03:18,027 I'm not distracted by toys, either. 44 00:03:18,060 --> 00:03:21,527 In most luxury cars there are thousands and thousands of buttons 45 00:03:21,627 --> 00:03:24,193 which let you tailor everything, "just so". 46 00:03:24,227 --> 00:03:28,527 But let me show you the radio in this as a prime example of what I'm on about. 47 00:03:28,627 --> 00:03:30,460 There's one knob. 48 00:03:30,493 --> 00:03:33,603 You push it and Terry Wogan comes into the car. 49 00:03:33,627 --> 00:03:36,993 Turn it and he gets louder. 50 00:03:37,027 --> 00:03:39,660 And you push it again and he goes away. 51 00:03:39,693 --> 00:03:42,160 Then there's the gear arrangement. 52 00:03:42,193 --> 00:03:43,860 Tiptronic? I don't think so. 53 00:03:43,893 --> 00:03:49,493 I've got backwards, neutral and forwards. And that's it. 54 00:03:49,527 --> 00:03:55,960 It seems this car represents an old-fashioned approach to luxury motoring. 55 00:03:55,993 --> 00:03:57,960 And I rather like that. 56 00:04:04,060 --> 00:04:05,627 Normally, I must be honest, 57 00:04:05,660 --> 00:04:08,727 I don't find the doors on a car particularly interesting. 58 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:10,460 Unless... 59 00:04:11,193 --> 00:04:12,393 ...it doesn't have any. 60 00:04:12,427 --> 00:04:14,660 But, look at this. 61 00:04:14,693 --> 00:04:17,060 Not only does this open backwards, 62 00:04:17,093 --> 00:04:19,127 but in here we find... 63 00:04:20,127 --> 00:04:21,360 An umbrella. 64 00:04:21,393 --> 00:04:23,393 Rolls-Royce is making a big deal about this. 65 00:04:23,427 --> 00:04:27,460 And I'm not entirely certain why, because you get exactly the same thing 66 00:04:28,027 --> 00:04:30,603 on a Skoda Superb. 67 00:04:30,627 --> 00:04:34,227 It's the only thing that's "superb" about it. 68 00:04:34,260 --> 00:04:37,927 Inside I simply push this button here to close the door 69 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:42,227 because obviously I can't be bothered to do it myself 70 00:04:42,260 --> 00:04:46,627 and then I'm cocooned in this world of elegant simplicity. 71 00:04:46,660 --> 00:04:50,327 I love this leather work here and the aluminium. 72 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:52,603 Look at this Art Deco light in here 73 00:04:52,627 --> 00:04:54,627 and in the door handles, and in the roof. 74 00:04:55,260 --> 00:04:59,160 That is fabulous. 75 00:04:59,193 --> 00:05:03,360 Then you've got the thick carpets, and these picnic tables. 76 00:05:06,193 --> 00:05:10,260 You might think that the back is the best place to be. 77 00:05:10,293 --> 00:05:12,760 Calming, nice. 78 00:05:12,793 --> 00:05:18,060 But actually, the Rolls is amazingly good fun to drive. 79 00:05:23,293 --> 00:05:28,627 Nought to 60 in 5.7 seconds and a top speed of 150. 80 00:05:31,093 --> 00:05:32,960 That's fast by anyone's standards, 81 00:05:32,993 --> 00:05:36,393 especially as the wheels don't appear to be going round. 82 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:41,693 And it's not just good in a straight line, either. 83 00:05:48,027 --> 00:05:51,827 Don't misunderstand me. It's pretty far from sporty. 84 00:05:51,860 --> 00:05:54,393 But it's not a hovercraft, either. 85 00:05:57,527 --> 00:05:59,360 I didn't want to like this car. 86 00:05:59,393 --> 00:06:03,693 I wanted to say it was too big, too German, too vulgar. 87 00:06:03,727 --> 00:06:06,060 But it's completely won me over. 88 00:06:07,460 --> 00:06:09,727 Ever since it began, Rolls-Royce has been saying 89 00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:12,727 that it makes the best car in the world. 90 00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:14,260 Now, 91 00:06:14,293 --> 00:06:17,993 for 80 years that hasn't really been the case. 92 00:06:19,393 --> 00:06:20,627 It is now, though! 93 00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:31,493 Once again, the Spirit of Ecstasy is just that. 94 00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:37,327 And here we are, at journey's end. 95 00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:40,460 The real reason for coming to Hull, 96 00:06:40,493 --> 00:06:42,093 the Humber Bridge. 97 00:06:44,393 --> 00:06:49,660 For 17 years, the longest suspension bridge in the world. 98 00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:02,993 The towers are one-and-a-half inches further apart at the top 99 00:07:03,027 --> 00:07:04,327 than they are at the bottom, 100 00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:06,527 thanks to the curvature of the earth. 101 00:07:09,793 --> 00:07:13,993 There's enough steel in the cabling here to go round the world twice. 102 00:07:14,027 --> 00:07:16,260 And it's British steel, British designed, 103 00:07:16,293 --> 00:07:21,860 British-engineered and British-built with British money. 104 00:07:21,893 --> 00:07:26,627 We have the talent in this country to make stuff like this. 105 00:07:29,627 --> 00:07:32,793 So, why can't we do it today? 106 00:07:41,427 --> 00:07:44,060 The design of this car is British. 107 00:07:44,093 --> 00:07:47,493 The chief engineer who worked on it is British. 108 00:07:47,527 --> 00:07:49,927 But the engine comes in a box from Germany. 109 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:51,693 So does the gearbox, so do the brakes, 110 00:07:51,727 --> 00:07:53,960 so does the suspension, so does the body. 111 00:07:53,993 --> 00:07:59,527 Even the leather on the seats comes from a flock of cows in Bavaria. 112 00:07:59,627 --> 00:08:02,127 All we do in this country is, 113 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:06,393 put all the bits together and nail the dashboard in place. 114 00:08:07,260 --> 00:08:08,627 It's pathetic. 115 00:08:17,027 --> 00:08:19,893 This is a great car. An awesome car. 116 00:08:19,927 --> 00:08:23,293 A bit showy, perhaps, and hard to park, but mostly, 117 00:08:23,327 --> 00:08:28,660 a majestic, inspiring, serene and glorious blend 118 00:08:28,693 --> 00:08:31,693 of style and engineering. 119 00:08:33,493 --> 00:08:37,393 I just wish it was like the Humber Bridge. 120 00:08:37,427 --> 00:08:39,960 I wish it was something we could be proud of. 121 00:08:50,627 --> 00:08:54,360 Well, thanks, Jeremy! You've made me feel really good about being British... 122 00:08:54,393 --> 00:08:56,260 - And stupid. - And useless. 123 00:08:56,293 --> 00:08:57,493 I know, I'm sorry about that. 124 00:08:57,527 --> 00:08:58,903 The thing is, the British and the Germans 125 00:08:58,927 --> 00:09:00,603 together can actually do some pretty good stuff, I think. 126 00:09:00,627 --> 00:09:01,827 What about the new Mini? 127 00:09:01,860 --> 00:09:03,603 - Yeah. - What about the new Range Rover? 128 00:09:03,627 --> 00:09:05,327 And this. 129 00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:07,603 You're absolutely right! You are right, actually. 130 00:09:07,627 --> 00:09:10,893 Germans, left to their own devices, I mean, they're useless. 131 00:09:10,927 --> 00:09:14,693 They'll be in a pair of leather shorts, off down with some oompah music 132 00:09:14,727 --> 00:09:16,660 to design a Mercedes Maybach. 133 00:09:16,693 --> 00:09:18,760 Now that's... Yeah, Maybach's a good case in point. 134 00:09:18,793 --> 00:09:21,227 It costs the same as this, £250,000. 135 00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:23,293 It's about the same size as this, 136 00:09:23,327 --> 00:09:26,093 but all that is, is a stretched Mercedes. 137 00:09:26,127 --> 00:09:29,160 And they've, sort of, shoved a branch of Dixons into the front 138 00:09:29,193 --> 00:09:34,893 and then fitted some sort of DFS leatherette reclining sofas in the back. 139 00:09:34,927 --> 00:09:38,760 This is the only true luxury car in the world. 140 00:09:38,793 --> 00:09:41,293 - And I can explain why. Come and have a look at this. - Mmm. 141 00:09:41,327 --> 00:09:45,527 Now, they could've taken a big BMW and stuffed it full of kit, as you said. 142 00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:49,627 But they went to this and they thought, "What is luxury really about?" 143 00:09:49,660 --> 00:09:52,093 It's not about gadgets and shag pile everywhere, is it? 144 00:09:52,127 --> 00:09:56,560 It's about peace and quiet, and light and air and space. 145 00:09:56,593 --> 00:09:58,360 Big space! 146 00:09:58,393 --> 00:10:01,860 - You can't have a luxury caravan, can you? - No, you can't. 147 00:10:01,893 --> 00:10:05,693 Um, Rolls-Royce does have a problem, though. 148 00:10:05,727 --> 00:10:08,836 Because... I was talking to an Arab friend of mine the other day, lives in Dubai. 149 00:10:08,860 --> 00:10:12,760 He's got a Ferrari F40, an F50, he's got an Enzo coming. 150 00:10:12,793 --> 00:10:18,560 He's got a Bentley Arnage T, a Jaguar XJ220, a Porsche 959 151 00:10:18,593 --> 00:10:22,193 and a Toyota Previa for his wife, obviously. 152 00:10:22,227 --> 00:10:24,093 And he was saying, 153 00:10:24,127 --> 00:10:26,903 "Now, I'm not gonna buy one of those new Rolls-Royces, they're too flash." 154 00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:28,760 He's right, 'cause I look at that 155 00:10:28,793 --> 00:10:31,893 beautiful, half naked woman on the top of that radiator grille 156 00:10:31,927 --> 00:10:33,660 and do you know what pops into my head? 157 00:10:33,693 --> 00:10:35,827 - What? - Jimmy Savile. 158 00:10:40,660 --> 00:10:42,960 And this really is it. This is the crux. 159 00:10:42,993 --> 00:10:45,860 Rolls-Royce has built a magnificent car. 160 00:10:45,893 --> 00:10:49,760 They must now be incredibly careful who they sell it to. 161 00:10:49,793 --> 00:10:54,793 Nobody called James. James Savile, James Greaves, no. 162 00:10:54,827 --> 00:10:57,260 James Tarbuck, not a chance. 163 00:10:57,293 --> 00:11:03,127 James... You! James May, he can't have one either. Sorry, mate. 164 00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:07,160 All of which brings this to the Cool Board. Where does the Rolls go? 165 00:11:07,193 --> 00:11:11,360 Well, right now it has been properly "Tarbucked" with the Savile brush. 166 00:11:11,393 --> 00:11:12,493 And that means... 167 00:11:12,527 --> 00:11:15,603 It can only be uncool, I'm afraid. 168 00:11:15,627 --> 00:11:18,027 But I'm gonna put this proviso on it. 169 00:11:18,060 --> 00:11:22,027 It's gonna stay there until the first time I open my copy of Heat magazine 170 00:11:22,060 --> 00:11:24,960 and I see one of these pulling up outside a nightclub 171 00:11:24,993 --> 00:11:30,193 and a member of AC/DC falling out of the back, into a pool of his own sick. 172 00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:34,893 Then it's gonna go from there, straight to there. 173 00:11:34,927 --> 00:11:37,627 It'll never happen. It'll never happen. 174 00:11:37,660 --> 00:11:41,727 Sadly, no rock star will ever buy the Rolls-Royce. 175 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:44,193 It's too big to fit in a swimming pool. 176 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:48,393 Um, the Ferrari Enzo? 177 00:11:48,427 --> 00:11:51,960 - Mmm. - There's been three of these sold in this country so far, 178 00:11:51,993 --> 00:11:55,760 and I think, I'm right in saying, all of them to rock stars. 179 00:11:55,793 --> 00:11:56,869 - Is that right? - True enough. Yeah. 180 00:11:56,893 --> 00:11:58,493 Eric Clapton, we think, has one. 181 00:11:58,527 --> 00:12:00,927 - We know Jay Kay has got one. - Yes. 182 00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:04,060 And the drummer of Pink Floyd is getting one. 183 00:12:04,093 --> 00:12:06,693 But the funny thing is, even with the rock star effect... 184 00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:08,960 - Yeah... - It's still not a cool car. 185 00:12:08,993 --> 00:12:10,603 What do we think?- 186 00:12:10,627 --> 00:12:12,603 - It's trying too hard. - Cool. 187 00:12:12,627 --> 00:12:15,427 Hold on a minute, why is the Ferrari Enzo cool? 188 00:12:15,460 --> 00:12:18,427 It's got everything that the McLaren F1 was 10 years ago. 189 00:12:18,460 --> 00:12:21,227 They're trying to replicate it and I think, for that, it's cool. 190 00:12:21,260 --> 00:12:24,860 I was nodding off in the middle of that explanation. 191 00:12:24,893 --> 00:12:27,793 You see, where they're going wrong is this... 192 00:12:27,827 --> 00:12:30,527 - It's screaming... - The Kristin Scott Thomas test. 193 00:12:30,627 --> 00:12:32,103 - Precisely. - Here she is, okay, look. 194 00:12:32,127 --> 00:12:35,860 Her, if you pull up to take her out in a Ferrari Enzo, 195 00:12:35,893 --> 00:12:39,393 she'll say, "No, do you mind if we go in my husband's Renault Laguna?" 196 00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:44,293 I've got, um, the new Audi A3. 197 00:12:44,327 --> 00:12:45,460 - Cool. - Which... 198 00:12:45,493 --> 00:12:46,803 - No, that's uncool! - Hold on a minute. 199 00:12:46,827 --> 00:12:49,793 There's a man here, I happen to know has an A3. 200 00:12:50,860 --> 00:12:52,827 They're wonderful cars to drive. 201 00:12:52,860 --> 00:12:55,260 - You've got a beard! - So? 202 00:12:59,227 --> 00:13:01,160 It's... If you're gonna have an Audi, 203 00:13:01,193 --> 00:13:04,893 buy an Audi, not a VW Golf that looks like an Audi. 204 00:13:04,927 --> 00:13:08,293 That... I'm sorry, I believe that to be an uncool car. 205 00:13:08,327 --> 00:13:10,193 - No, it isn't. It's a cool car. - It's uncool! 206 00:13:10,227 --> 00:13:13,603 Now, I'm sorry, I know he's got a beard, but I think that's a cool car. 207 00:13:13,627 --> 00:13:15,927 - That is so wrong! - No, it isn't, it's cool. 208 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,193 And if you wanna do something about it... 209 00:13:24,060 --> 00:13:25,793 I like a reasoned debate. 210 00:13:25,827 --> 00:13:28,027 Now, I think that's pretty much... 211 00:13:28,060 --> 00:13:30,893 Actually, no, I think I'm gonna put this Alfa up here. 212 00:13:30,927 --> 00:13:33,427 No! 213 00:13:33,460 --> 00:13:36,127 - Yes! - Yes! Thank you, yes. 214 00:13:47,227 --> 00:13:51,293 No, it's just escalating... 215 00:13:51,327 --> 00:13:53,160 Well, I'll let you have that one. 216 00:13:55,993 --> 00:13:59,493 Now, a few weeks ago, there were some local elections 217 00:13:59,527 --> 00:14:01,993 and the turnout was dreadful. 218 00:14:02,027 --> 00:14:05,093 People immediately started wailing about voter apathy 219 00:14:05,127 --> 00:14:07,493 and, "Oh, this is the death of democracy." 220 00:14:07,527 --> 00:14:09,036 It's got nothing to do with any of that. 221 00:14:09,060 --> 00:14:13,127 It's because it's boring. Voting is boring, isn't it? 222 00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:17,060 So we thought maybe we could revolutionise democracy 223 00:14:17,093 --> 00:14:19,427 by deciding the result of the next general election 224 00:14:19,460 --> 00:14:23,527 using an MG ZR race car and our test track. 225 00:14:23,627 --> 00:14:25,227 All of the major political parties 226 00:14:25,260 --> 00:14:27,927 have sent along representatives to take part in this election, 227 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:32,193 and the first of them is from the Legalise Cannabis Alliance. 228 00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:38,393 - Big party? Small party? - Small party. 229 00:14:38,427 --> 00:14:40,093 This is Mark Gibson. Good luck. 230 00:14:40,127 --> 00:14:44,860 From the Official Monster Raving Loony Party... 231 00:14:46,027 --> 00:14:49,427 Um, this is Alan "Howling Laud" Hope. 232 00:14:49,460 --> 00:14:51,527 Alan has no experience of this sort of thing, 233 00:14:51,627 --> 00:14:58,093 but he does have a Hyundai Sonata and a cat that died recently, apparently. 234 00:14:58,127 --> 00:14:59,427 High hopes here, I'm sure! 235 00:14:59,460 --> 00:15:02,027 Um, now from the Green Party, lain Dickson. 236 00:15:02,060 --> 00:15:04,660 - Hello. - You do know what you're here to do, 237 00:15:04,693 --> 00:15:06,069 this is racing and stuff, don't you? 238 00:15:06,093 --> 00:15:07,769 - Exactly! Yes. - There's no bus lane out there. 239 00:15:07,793 --> 00:15:09,469 - No, it's okay! - And you'll have to take your cycle clips off. 240 00:15:09,493 --> 00:15:11,460 All right, good luck, but we'll see how you do. 241 00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:14,493 From the Liberal Democrat Party, John Ault. 242 00:15:14,527 --> 00:15:16,327 Hello, John. 243 00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:21,427 It's getting scary in here! 244 00:15:21,460 --> 00:15:24,460 Now, I was told, and I don't know if this is right, 245 00:15:24,493 --> 00:15:27,860 but you're the only Lib Dem opposed to speed bumps. 246 00:15:27,893 --> 00:15:29,803 I'm sure I'm not the only one, I don't particularly like them, 247 00:15:29,827 --> 00:15:32,627 unless there's two close together so I can jump the second one! 248 00:15:34,627 --> 00:15:36,103 From the Labour Party, Richard Burden. 249 00:15:36,127 --> 00:15:38,193 Now, you have done quite a bit of racing. 250 00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:41,760 It's one. That's good. 251 00:15:41,793 --> 00:15:43,193 - You're doing well, mate. - I am. 252 00:15:43,227 --> 00:15:44,869 Richard Burden, you have done a fair bit of racing... 253 00:15:44,893 --> 00:15:46,469 - Bits and pieces. - Now we have to see what happens to you. 254 00:15:46,493 --> 00:15:48,960 And finally, from the Tory party... 255 00:15:51,627 --> 00:15:54,760 The Shadow Defence Secretary himself, Bernard Jenkin. 256 00:15:54,793 --> 00:15:57,993 Well, this isn't Bernard Jenkin, obviously, this is a model of him. 257 00:15:58,027 --> 00:16:01,793 Bernard can't make it here tonight because he's in Iraq. 258 00:16:01,827 --> 00:16:03,627 I don't know why you'd want to be in Iraq. 259 00:16:03,660 --> 00:16:06,427 Um... Oh, that's your fault! 260 00:16:06,460 --> 00:16:11,727 Because your boss was told by his boss in America to have a war 261 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:14,136 - and he did and Bernard can't be here with us tonight. - He's gone. 262 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:15,660 I haven't gone, he's gone. 263 00:16:15,693 --> 00:16:17,469 - Well, he managed to make it for the big day. - He did. 264 00:16:17,493 --> 00:16:18,993 So we'll see how he did. 265 00:16:19,027 --> 00:16:23,460 Just think, by the end of tonight we could have a new government. 266 00:16:23,493 --> 00:16:25,493 So, we'll find out how they all did a bit later on. 267 00:16:25,527 --> 00:16:27,860 But first, it's time for the news. 268 00:16:27,893 --> 00:16:30,893 Now, anyone who's seen an aerial photograph of London 269 00:16:30,927 --> 00:16:34,127 can't help but to notice that there is an enormous blue bus lane 270 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:38,603 running right through the middle of it which is called the Thames. 271 00:16:38,627 --> 00:16:40,627 It's a perfectly good idea, get buses off the road 272 00:16:40,660 --> 00:16:41,960 and make them go down the river. 273 00:16:41,993 --> 00:16:44,827 And we've had a letter from a company this week, 274 00:16:44,860 --> 00:16:48,027 saying they've built just such a thing. Look at that. 275 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:50,793 It's a bus boat. 276 00:16:52,727 --> 00:16:55,636 It's a bus, goes down the river and then it just pulls out at the far end. 277 00:16:55,660 --> 00:16:57,393 - That's fantastic! - It is. 278 00:16:57,427 --> 00:16:59,869 The bloke says, he spent all his money on it and he wants backing. 279 00:16:59,893 --> 00:17:01,893 Well, you're not getting any from us, sunshine. 280 00:17:01,927 --> 00:17:04,927 We spend all our money on petrol and crisps. 281 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:06,436 Well, we're not going to give you any money. 282 00:17:06,460 --> 00:17:07,827 But we do give you our backing, 283 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:10,093 anything that gets buses off the road is a good idea. 284 00:17:10,127 --> 00:17:12,393 I've got one here, combines two activities, okay? 285 00:17:12,427 --> 00:17:15,493 Spending time in traffic, we all have to do it, it's no fun, we know that. 286 00:17:15,527 --> 00:17:18,327 This is a new service. It's called "motor flirting". 287 00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:20,760 - Motor what? - Motor flirting. 288 00:17:20,793 --> 00:17:22,227 And essentially, boils down to this, 289 00:17:22,260 --> 00:17:25,360 Members display a discreet, it says discreet, 290 00:17:25,393 --> 00:17:27,427 sticker in the back window of their car, 291 00:17:27,460 --> 00:17:29,193 - with Motor Flirt logo on it. - Hmm. 292 00:17:29,227 --> 00:17:32,260 And then, another member, when they see that, and they think, 293 00:17:32,293 --> 00:17:34,860 "Ah, he or she looks quite nice." 294 00:17:34,893 --> 00:17:37,660 They can contact this service, and give them the registration number 295 00:17:37,693 --> 00:17:40,427 and they can send text messages to that person. 296 00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:43,669 This means a load of fat, ugly blokes are gonna be sending each other text messages! 297 00:17:43,693 --> 00:17:45,603 Him! 298 00:17:45,627 --> 00:17:48,603 And him! These two will be texting each other. Let's have a look. 299 00:17:48,627 --> 00:17:49,769 Yeah. That's basically what it is. 300 00:17:49,793 --> 00:17:51,827 "Nice car and dishy driver. 301 00:17:51,860 --> 00:17:54,060 "Instead of gazing longingly through the windscreen, 302 00:17:54,093 --> 00:17:55,927 "you can text the motorist you fancy!" 303 00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:58,103 There you go, have that! You have the number, all the details on it. 304 00:17:58,127 --> 00:18:01,093 I can straightaway see another use for this, because it means 305 00:18:01,127 --> 00:18:04,860 you can finally contact people in other cars around you. 306 00:18:04,893 --> 00:18:07,960 You're on the motorway. Say it's not foggy. 307 00:18:07,993 --> 00:18:12,827 Say... And somebody in front has, let's imagine, their fog light on. 308 00:18:12,860 --> 00:18:16,260 You can send them a playful little text message to the effect... 309 00:18:16,293 --> 00:18:22,460 "Turn it off! Turn it off. 123-year-old man, turn it off!" 310 00:18:22,493 --> 00:18:24,627 Yes, precisely! 311 00:18:24,660 --> 00:18:28,093 - What have you got, James? - Well, I've got the new BMW 5 Series, 312 00:18:28,127 --> 00:18:30,336 which is coming out in September. Here's a picture of it. 313 00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:33,093 They've come up with something called "active steering". 314 00:18:33,127 --> 00:18:35,160 Oh, God. 315 00:18:35,193 --> 00:18:36,836 Well, this is... I think that sounds quite encouraging, active steering. 316 00:18:36,860 --> 00:18:39,603 Now before you knock it, I've tried this on a prototype. 317 00:18:39,627 --> 00:18:42,727 Because they brought it round to our big house where we all live together 318 00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:44,627 but these two were out and I had a go in it. 319 00:18:44,660 --> 00:18:47,627 And it's actually rather good, because... 320 00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:51,060 Normally, if you're going round in Sainsbury's car park at any speed, okay? 321 00:18:51,093 --> 00:18:52,903 You go down those little things and you have to do all that. 322 00:18:52,927 --> 00:18:55,127 "Institute of Advanced Motorists" feed the wheel stuff. 323 00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:58,327 With this, you just hold the wheel, quarter to three, 324 00:18:58,360 --> 00:18:59,936 like the Institute of Advanced Motorists, 325 00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:02,103 but you just do this and the car goes round a right angle. 326 00:19:02,127 --> 00:19:05,360 Okay, if you get on the motorway or a German Autobahn doing 130 327 00:19:05,393 --> 00:19:08,893 and that same movement just gives you a gentle lane change. 328 00:19:08,927 --> 00:19:11,269 - The steering knows how fast you're going. - That's ridiculous! 329 00:19:11,293 --> 00:19:13,360 - That's stupid! It's not. It's clever! 330 00:19:13,393 --> 00:19:15,836 It isn't, I'd always forget, I'd be just going through a car park and I'd do that 331 00:19:15,860 --> 00:19:17,960 and I'd just drive straight into another car! 332 00:19:17,993 --> 00:19:20,960 Or on the motorway, "Oh, bloody hell, I'm going the wrong way." 333 00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:23,860 No, Jeremy! Steering is something you do instinctively! 334 00:19:23,893 --> 00:19:25,160 Isn't it? Don't you... 335 00:19:25,193 --> 00:19:27,093 That's just stupid. 336 00:19:27,127 --> 00:19:30,860 I'll tell you what, I was driving my car, this one's a Mercedes, okay? 337 00:19:30,893 --> 00:19:34,160 I was driving through East London, this week, and I got shot, okay? 338 00:19:34,193 --> 00:19:36,493 - Eh? - Now the thing... I was shot. 339 00:19:36,993 --> 00:19:38,027 At last! 340 00:19:41,193 --> 00:19:43,627 They didn't hit me, but hit the... Obviously the windscreen. 341 00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:45,893 - What with? - AK-47. 342 00:19:47,793 --> 00:19:51,293 Okay, now in the olden days you used to ring up a repair glass company. 343 00:19:51,327 --> 00:19:52,903 They send a man around and it was 50 quid, 344 00:19:52,927 --> 00:19:55,427 and you out a new one and you claimed on insurance, yes? 345 00:19:55,460 --> 00:19:57,693 Not any more. My windscreen has got 346 00:19:57,727 --> 00:20:02,027 aerials in it and heating elements and light sensors and rain sensors. 347 00:20:02,060 --> 00:20:04,893 They have had to take the car away, it'll cost £20 trillion 348 00:20:04,927 --> 00:20:07,960 and they've kept it overnight 'cause they say that the glue's got to set! 349 00:20:09,427 --> 00:20:11,303 Did they by any chance try telling you that the glue'll 350 00:20:11,327 --> 00:20:14,293 set better if it's left parked outside a nightclub all night maybe? 351 00:20:14,327 --> 00:20:16,093 Gay nightclub. 352 00:20:16,127 --> 00:20:18,493 Probably. 353 00:20:19,227 --> 00:20:20,660 It's not a gay car. 354 00:20:20,693 --> 00:20:22,160 It is now. 355 00:20:22,193 --> 00:20:25,027 - It is now. Yeah. All right. Is it my turn? - It is. 356 00:20:25,060 --> 00:20:27,893 Uh, oh, this Lexus. 357 00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:29,760 It's the RX 300. 358 00:20:29,793 --> 00:20:31,627 They're bringing a new model in, here it is. 359 00:20:31,660 --> 00:20:35,493 And they're talking about, it's got a whole load of new features on it, 360 00:20:35,527 --> 00:20:37,260 all of which is supposed to be amazing. 361 00:20:37,293 --> 00:20:40,127 It's got a driver's knee airbag. 362 00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:41,560 What? 363 00:20:41,593 --> 00:20:43,036 They've looked, Hammond, and they thought, 364 00:20:43,060 --> 00:20:44,727 "How many airbags have everyone else got?" 365 00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:46,760 We've got one for the eyelashes, one for your ears, 366 00:20:46,793 --> 00:20:50,060 one for your ankles, we better do one for the knees! So they've got a knee airbag. 367 00:20:50,093 --> 00:20:52,693 It's got a colour rear-view camera. 368 00:20:52,727 --> 00:20:55,993 - Uh, no... The Nissan Primera. - Primera's gone up... 369 00:20:56,027 --> 00:20:58,036 - No! It's black and white. - That's black and white. 370 00:20:58,060 --> 00:21:00,103 - Oh, yeah! - Yes, you have to get a more expensive... 371 00:21:00,127 --> 00:21:02,093 Television licence to reverse that! 372 00:21:03,493 --> 00:21:05,169 What was the matter with the rear-view mirror? 373 00:21:05,193 --> 00:21:07,603 This is what I'm talking about, complication, what was the matter? 374 00:21:07,627 --> 00:21:09,893 You can't get Teletext on it maybe. 375 00:21:09,927 --> 00:21:13,193 I'll just back up and check on my share prices. 376 00:21:13,227 --> 00:21:14,960 Well, anyway, if you want a Lexus 377 00:21:14,993 --> 00:21:17,727 and you wanna look like a Los Angeles drug dealer, there you are. 378 00:21:18,627 --> 00:21:20,327 Now... 379 00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:24,893 There's a million new little cars come out every single week. 380 00:21:24,927 --> 00:21:27,893 And they're all much of a muchness, they're all fine. But this week... 381 00:21:27,927 --> 00:21:29,993 There's a new Daihatsu Charade out. 382 00:21:30,027 --> 00:21:32,893 It's being launched next month. We had a go in it this morning. 383 00:21:32,927 --> 00:21:35,427 - It's fantastic! - It's excellent! 384 00:21:35,460 --> 00:21:39,027 We've got a picture of it here. It's about two inches tall, okay? 385 00:21:39,060 --> 00:21:41,227 Now, you get electric windows, 386 00:21:41,260 --> 00:21:42,993 you get anti-lock brakes 387 00:21:43,027 --> 00:21:44,969 you get a one litre, three cylinder engine, does 100 miles an hour, 388 00:21:44,993 --> 00:21:48,127 tons of space and do you wanna know how much it costs? 389 00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:49,993 £5,995. 390 00:21:50,027 --> 00:21:52,669 But did you notice that when you put the ignition key in and turn it on, 391 00:21:52,693 --> 00:21:55,127 there's a little display on the dash and it says, 392 00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:56,427 "Hello, Happy." 393 00:21:56,460 --> 00:21:58,327 Yes, it does! 394 00:21:58,360 --> 00:22:01,203 They've always had a bit of a problem with this Japanese translation thing. 395 00:22:01,227 --> 00:22:02,469 I mean, they've improved the cars now, 396 00:22:02,493 --> 00:22:04,136 but I've got at home, I've got the handbook 397 00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:06,660 from an early 1970s Datsun. 398 00:22:06,693 --> 00:22:09,293 And there's a bit in there about adjusting the seat. 399 00:22:09,327 --> 00:22:10,736 And right in the middle of it, it says, 400 00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:13,260 "Cement the driver's arm to the handle." 401 00:22:15,793 --> 00:22:18,260 And then, in the index under "H" it's got, 402 00:22:18,293 --> 00:22:19,993 "How To Open The Bonnet." 403 00:22:24,293 --> 00:22:25,403 I had a good one with Daihatsu. 404 00:22:25,427 --> 00:22:27,193 So, they once flew me first class, 405 00:22:27,227 --> 00:22:28,627 before, I was working for the BBC, 406 00:22:28,660 --> 00:22:31,460 they flew me first class all the way to Japan via Hong Kong 407 00:22:31,493 --> 00:22:33,727 and then back through Maui and San Francisco. 408 00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:36,603 And I arrived in Japan to drive their new Charade. 409 00:22:36,627 --> 00:22:38,293 This was, I don't know, in the late '80s. 410 00:22:38,327 --> 00:22:40,603 I did half a lap of the track and crashed it. 411 00:22:40,627 --> 00:22:42,160 Well done! 412 00:22:42,193 --> 00:22:43,503 Those guys were, "Oh, don't worry, 413 00:22:43,527 --> 00:22:45,260 "we make one every 23 seconds!" 414 00:22:47,327 --> 00:22:49,836 - After you'd grovelled for a half an hour or so... - Yeah, that's it. 415 00:22:49,860 --> 00:22:53,460 Right, that's the end of the news. 416 00:22:53,493 --> 00:22:56,127 Right, back to tonight's theme, luxury. 417 00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:58,327 The thing is, it doesn't have to cost a fortune. 418 00:22:58,360 --> 00:23:01,727 I found how you can buy a proper piece of British luxury, 419 00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:03,760 the kind of thing we've been talking about, 420 00:23:03,793 --> 00:23:05,160 for £8,000. 421 00:23:05,193 --> 00:23:07,460 It's this, the Rover P5. 422 00:23:10,193 --> 00:23:13,493 The Queen of England had a Rover P5. 423 00:23:16,827 --> 00:23:19,260 I know that because I'm sitting in it. 424 00:23:19,293 --> 00:23:23,160 This is the Queen's Rover P5. 425 00:23:23,193 --> 00:23:26,860 Now when she ordered this car, she already had a fleet of Rolls-Royces. 426 00:23:26,893 --> 00:23:28,927 But they were all chauffeur-driven. 427 00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:33,393 This, she drove herself. This was more your midweek luxury. 428 00:23:35,693 --> 00:23:39,893 There were two shapes, the rigidly upright saloon. 429 00:23:39,927 --> 00:23:42,293 And then, there was this, the coupe, 430 00:23:42,327 --> 00:23:46,193 which, despite being the coupe, still had four doors. 431 00:23:46,227 --> 00:23:49,603 But it's this lowered roofline that butches up the image 432 00:23:49,627 --> 00:23:52,060 and somehow makes it look more... 433 00:23:52,093 --> 00:23:54,193 Caddish. 434 00:23:54,227 --> 00:23:58,260 Inside it might have been the poor man's Roller, but it was still luxurious. 435 00:23:58,293 --> 00:24:02,027 The holy trinity are here, leather, wood and shag pile. 436 00:24:02,060 --> 00:24:04,460 It's solid, regal and dignified. 437 00:24:04,493 --> 00:24:09,193 In fact the phrase, "Gentleman's club on wheels", maybe a tired old cliche today 438 00:24:09,227 --> 00:24:11,927 but it was actually coined for this car. 439 00:24:14,627 --> 00:24:16,860 It was the backbone of England. 440 00:24:16,893 --> 00:24:21,060 Harold Wilson had one and he had a pipe rest fitted to it. 441 00:24:26,060 --> 00:24:30,260 Maggie Thatcher, when she was driving around shouting at trade unionists, 442 00:24:30,293 --> 00:24:31,827 she had one. 443 00:24:35,127 --> 00:24:38,860 But underneath all that cosy tradition, there was modernity. 444 00:24:38,893 --> 00:24:42,793 Because this was the first time Rover built a car using a monocoque shell. 445 00:24:43,660 --> 00:24:45,393 But when it first arrived, 446 00:24:45,427 --> 00:24:48,093 it could've handled worse than a Sumo wrestler at a roller disco, 447 00:24:48,127 --> 00:24:53,293 because it barely had enough power to challenge even the most rotten of chassis. 448 00:24:53,327 --> 00:24:57,603 It struggled along with Rover's flaccid three-litre straight six 449 00:24:57,627 --> 00:25:00,060 between 1958 and 1967. 450 00:25:00,093 --> 00:25:03,660 And yet, the P5... It would do 60 miles an hour, 451 00:25:03,693 --> 00:25:06,127 but it took 17 seconds to get there. 452 00:25:07,360 --> 00:25:12,093 And, yes, it would do 100 miles an hour, but not without a fight. 453 00:25:12,127 --> 00:25:17,427 Then in 1967, the Rover P5 finally got the engine it deserved. 454 00:25:17,460 --> 00:25:20,960 And the Rover three and a half litre V8 was born. 455 00:25:20,993 --> 00:25:22,827 The old girl finally had enough grunt 456 00:25:22,860 --> 00:25:25,527 to shake the rough shag out of Wilson's pipe. 457 00:25:27,527 --> 00:25:28,927 It does make a nice noise. 458 00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:37,860 That is a great noise! The trees are moving a bit faster as well. 459 00:25:43,027 --> 00:25:44,327 Shame, really, because, 460 00:25:44,360 --> 00:25:45,793 it all happened in the same year 461 00:25:45,827 --> 00:25:47,860 that his Transport minister, Barbara Castle 462 00:25:47,893 --> 00:25:50,427 introduced the 70 miles an hour speed limit. 463 00:25:57,527 --> 00:26:02,093 So the 3.5 litre V8 engine, Rover P5B coupe 464 00:26:02,127 --> 00:26:05,460 is clearly the one to go for if you're buying one today. 465 00:26:05,493 --> 00:26:07,193 And I think you should. 466 00:26:07,227 --> 00:26:09,527 Because you can get a really good one for £7,000, 8,000 467 00:26:09,627 --> 00:26:14,127 and a really, really good one if you're prepared to get closer to £10,000, 11,000. 468 00:26:17,393 --> 00:26:22,160 I mean, sure, like an elderly relative, it will need occasional care and attention 469 00:26:22,193 --> 00:26:23,860 and you'll have to keep an eye on it. 470 00:26:23,893 --> 00:26:26,860 And, no, it hasn't got satellite-navigated, 471 00:26:26,893 --> 00:26:30,160 remote-controlled, airbag operated gizmos. 472 00:26:30,193 --> 00:26:36,493 But it's got something else. It's got innate luxuriousness. It's ingrained. 473 00:26:36,527 --> 00:26:40,603 Like that Rolls-Royce, the Rover had luxury built into it. 474 00:26:40,627 --> 00:26:44,127 And it's as English as an oven glove with cats on it. 475 00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:48,427 Just think how comforting its sturdy, upright posture must've seemed 476 00:26:48,460 --> 00:26:51,693 to the ex-public schoolboys running the nation's banks, 477 00:26:51,727 --> 00:26:54,260 industry and, indeed, the nation. 478 00:26:54,293 --> 00:26:57,960 When you're used to a regime of cold baths and cross-country running, 479 00:26:57,993 --> 00:27:02,160 a big, matronly Rover P5 must've been a welcome sight. 480 00:27:02,193 --> 00:27:06,060 It's a plate full of mashed potato on a wooden refectory table. 481 00:27:06,093 --> 00:27:08,603 Comfort food. I want to call it Nursey. 482 00:27:08,627 --> 00:27:11,093 In fact, I bet some people did. 483 00:27:11,127 --> 00:27:13,093 Because just like Nursey, 484 00:27:13,127 --> 00:27:17,927 the P5's, perhaps, rather starchy exterior conceals a warm and comforting bosom 485 00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:22,427 that just for a brief while, makes everything all right with the world. 486 00:27:28,327 --> 00:27:29,927 Now... 487 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:33,493 Last weekend, Channel 4 ran a programme 488 00:27:33,527 --> 00:27:36,860 and named the 100 worst Britons. 489 00:27:36,893 --> 00:27:39,427 I was a deserving 66. 490 00:27:39,460 --> 00:27:42,393 But, my guest tonight thrashed me. 491 00:27:42,427 --> 00:27:46,160 So, please welcome Britain's 28th worst person, 492 00:27:46,193 --> 00:27:47,460 Jamie Oliver! 493 00:27:56,093 --> 00:27:57,093 Jamie... 494 00:27:59,160 --> 00:28:01,169 - That was a man! - Oh, no, I thought it was a bird. 495 00:28:01,193 --> 00:28:03,193 I think his name's Cindy. 496 00:28:03,227 --> 00:28:05,460 It isn't Cindy, mate. It's a bloke. 497 00:28:07,293 --> 00:28:10,393 Anyway, this is our luxury programme, so have a Rocher. 498 00:28:10,427 --> 00:28:11,603 Thank you very much. 499 00:28:11,627 --> 00:28:12,703 Have you ever had one of those? 500 00:28:12,727 --> 00:28:14,360 It's a Malteser that's won the pools. 501 00:28:14,393 --> 00:28:16,393 No, the things always get stuck in my throat. 502 00:28:16,427 --> 00:28:19,469 They get stuck on there, 'cause we glued them together so they'd stop nicking them. 503 00:28:19,493 --> 00:28:21,093 Now, let's talk about some cars... 504 00:28:21,127 --> 00:28:24,127 Or actually... No, let's not. Let's talk about your scooter. 505 00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:25,927 - Yeah. - Why? Why do you have a scooter? 506 00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:28,460 Uh, because the scooter's probably... 507 00:28:28,493 --> 00:28:32,260 I think, scooters are probably the fastest method of travel in London, really. 508 00:28:32,293 --> 00:28:36,127 I'm fed up with sitting in traffic in London. It's a terrible city. 509 00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:37,760 Drives me mad. 510 00:28:37,793 --> 00:28:39,336 I know, but a scooter, if you leave it to its own devices... 511 00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:40,936 - I'd beat any Ferrari in London. Easy. - No, you won't. 512 00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:43,193 - I swear to you. - 3:00 in the morning, Baker Street. 513 00:28:43,227 --> 00:28:45,227 All right, fair enough. 514 00:28:45,260 --> 00:28:48,160 You had a bit of a crash on it, didn't you, on television? 515 00:28:48,193 --> 00:28:51,227 Several! Oh, God, yeah, lately! Yeah. Yeah. 516 00:28:51,260 --> 00:28:54,260 Tell the nice people what happened when you went on the Oprah Winfrey Show. 517 00:28:54,293 --> 00:28:58,127 We were in Chicago and went on the Oprah Winfrey Show, 518 00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:01,227 and it's quite exciting because it's quite hard to get on there. 519 00:29:01,260 --> 00:29:04,827 And they did this little VT of the things I've done. 520 00:29:04,860 --> 00:29:06,460 And then, "With Jamie Oliver!" 521 00:29:06,493 --> 00:29:09,060 And I opened the door and I drove in between the audience. 522 00:29:09,093 --> 00:29:12,193 And all I remember, a very proud moment in my life, 523 00:29:12,227 --> 00:29:16,527 this beautifully lit studio, wonderful flowers and Oprah smiling at me. 524 00:29:16,627 --> 00:29:18,860 And as I got closer... You know sometimes when cars 525 00:29:18,893 --> 00:29:20,969 or things slip and you think, "Oh, I better correct it a bit"? 526 00:29:20,993 --> 00:29:23,513 Well, there was none of that. I just went straight on the floor. 527 00:29:24,927 --> 00:29:28,093 And I just skidded on my front about four or five metres. 528 00:29:28,127 --> 00:29:33,527 They had an awkward family of eaters from Chicago, in this table, 529 00:29:33,627 --> 00:29:37,427 for four, in the corner and I was going straight for them! 530 00:29:37,460 --> 00:29:41,603 It was just a really, really scary moment, but it was great. 531 00:29:41,627 --> 00:29:42,893 Did they leave it in? 532 00:29:42,927 --> 00:29:45,427 They did, yeah. They thought I was a stunt man. 533 00:29:46,893 --> 00:29:49,260 Still, having a scooter is better than your car. 534 00:29:49,293 --> 00:29:52,660 Well, not really, 'cause it's a bit cold, a bit wet. Very dangerous. 535 00:29:52,693 --> 00:29:54,603 And you've got a Maserati. 536 00:29:54,627 --> 00:29:56,293 Yeah. Yeah. 537 00:29:56,327 --> 00:29:59,360 Would you like to explain, what on Earth possessed you to do that? 538 00:29:59,393 --> 00:30:00,693 I love it! 539 00:30:00,727 --> 00:30:03,527 It looks beautiful, I think they're great value. 540 00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:07,360 I think they're very fast, they sound beautiful. Do you not agree, guys? 541 00:30:07,393 --> 00:30:09,960 - Have you seen it? - You're not gonna get them to agree! 542 00:30:12,060 --> 00:30:13,769 These people know about cars. That's why they've come to the Top Gear show. 543 00:30:13,793 --> 00:30:16,893 Yeah. But you drive a hairdresser's car, mate. What can you say? 544 00:30:18,493 --> 00:30:21,327 And you know what, your Stig took me out in it today, 545 00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:24,493 scared the life out of me. I've never been so scared in all of my life. 546 00:30:24,527 --> 00:30:26,993 And, um... He crashed it. 547 00:30:27,260 --> 00:30:29,360 Did he? 548 00:30:29,393 --> 00:30:31,536 - He crashed it on the corner. He smashed up all the wheels. - Good Stig! That's one less. 549 00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:32,793 How did he do it? 550 00:30:32,827 --> 00:30:35,427 After, he said, "I'm sorry about that, J. 551 00:30:35,460 --> 00:30:40,427 "I could've missed that ditch, but I wanted to show you how it goes sideways." 552 00:30:43,027 --> 00:30:44,693 Thanks very much! 553 00:30:44,727 --> 00:30:46,327 Seriously. 554 00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:48,536 We can actually prove... I'm sorry to have to do this to you, Jamie... 555 00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:51,260 We rang your restaurant just to find out how much 556 00:30:51,293 --> 00:30:53,127 you and your business knows about cars. 557 00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:54,660 - Right. - Yeah. 558 00:30:54,693 --> 00:30:56,336 - We rang... And if you ring, It's 15, yeah? - Yeah. 559 00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:57,960 I don't mind saying that. 560 00:30:57,993 --> 00:31:01,193 If you ring, you get a recorded message saying you can have lunch in... 561 00:31:01,227 --> 00:31:02,760 Oh, three or four months? 562 00:31:02,793 --> 00:31:06,060 July, I think it is. And if you want dinner you have to wait till... 563 00:31:06,093 --> 00:31:08,069 - December. - Three or four months. Yeah, it's a long time. 564 00:31:08,093 --> 00:31:14,227 So we said, "Could we have a table for four, for Nigel Mansell?" 565 00:31:14,260 --> 00:31:16,460 Guess when they said he could have a table. 566 00:31:16,493 --> 00:31:18,360 - Three or four months? - Friday. 567 00:31:21,093 --> 00:31:24,327 - Really? - You don't want monobrow in your restaurant, okay? 568 00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:27,627 He's not coming. It was a trick, so when you get back cross him out of the book... 569 00:31:27,660 --> 00:31:29,160 Okay. 570 00:31:29,193 --> 00:31:30,636 Don't forget, we are a charity, mate. So you know... 571 00:31:30,660 --> 00:31:32,427 Do you know what's even funnier? 572 00:31:32,460 --> 00:31:36,527 We rang up the next day and we booked a table for Gilles Villeneuve. 573 00:31:37,327 --> 00:31:38,493 He's dead! 574 00:31:40,727 --> 00:31:42,493 You know what I did the other day? 575 00:31:42,527 --> 00:31:45,127 I phoned up my own restaurant and pretended to be you, 576 00:31:45,160 --> 00:31:47,827 and they wouldn't give me a table till December! 577 00:31:54,827 --> 00:31:57,193 - You are an Essex boy, yeah? - Yes. 578 00:31:57,227 --> 00:32:00,693 Do you do the Essex thing with cars, do you tart them up and so on? 579 00:32:00,727 --> 00:32:03,269 I don't know what it is, I think it's the lead in the water or something, 580 00:32:03,293 --> 00:32:09,293 but everyone buys really dodgy cars and does 'em up with spoilers and... 581 00:32:09,327 --> 00:32:14,960 At one point my car was worth 800 quid, and my stereo was worth 1,300 quid! 582 00:32:14,993 --> 00:32:18,260 It's just pathetic, but I was there, so I'm guilty. 583 00:32:18,293 --> 00:32:22,027 And you're still at it today, really, you've claimed to have grown up but... 584 00:32:22,060 --> 00:32:23,427 You've got a camper van. 585 00:32:23,460 --> 00:32:25,660 - Oh, yeah. - But it's not a normal camper van. 586 00:32:25,693 --> 00:32:27,160 It's a beautiful thing, yeah. 587 00:32:27,193 --> 00:32:28,693 Just talk us through it. 588 00:32:28,727 --> 00:32:31,293 It's there. It's there. It's behind us! 589 00:32:31,327 --> 00:32:35,660 I love it dearly. I just wish it worked more reliably. 590 00:32:35,693 --> 00:32:36,893 What have you done to that? 591 00:32:36,927 --> 00:32:39,427 Well, I've kept it looking pretty original, 592 00:32:39,460 --> 00:32:42,227 but I've got, like the little bits and pieces, 593 00:32:42,260 --> 00:32:46,527 a pull-out double bed, a kitchen in the back, TV, DVD and all that sort of stuff. 594 00:32:46,627 --> 00:32:51,860 But most importantly, I've got a Porsche 3.6 litre engine in the back, which... 595 00:32:53,627 --> 00:32:56,693 This is it, okay? We had this brilliant idea, where we thought 596 00:32:56,727 --> 00:33:00,527 we'd see if Jamie could do some cooking in his van, 597 00:33:00,627 --> 00:33:04,060 while going round our track with the Stig driving. 598 00:33:04,993 --> 00:33:06,960 Anyone want to see what happened? 599 00:33:06,993 --> 00:33:08,060 - I'd love to. - Yes! 600 00:33:11,127 --> 00:33:14,627 What we're gonna make today is a beautiful salad of mozzarella, 601 00:33:14,660 --> 00:33:18,093 fig, rocket, mint, all those beautiful things. 602 00:33:18,127 --> 00:33:20,860 I wanna tear up my mozzarella... 603 00:33:22,427 --> 00:33:24,493 I wanna take the tips off of my figs. 604 00:33:24,527 --> 00:33:25,993 Oh, my Lord... 605 00:33:27,393 --> 00:33:29,627 And what I wanna do, is... 606 00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:32,360 Put a little olive oil in... 607 00:33:37,327 --> 00:33:39,060 Just dress the salad... 608 00:33:46,393 --> 00:33:47,993 I'm still making the salad! 609 00:33:50,093 --> 00:33:54,393 Basically, if you toss this up and put that on there... 610 00:33:55,493 --> 00:33:57,460 Hopefully, it'll look nice. 611 00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:12,293 That was horrible, and I, honestly, felt really sick afterwards. 612 00:34:12,327 --> 00:34:14,027 Was he really going for it? 613 00:34:14,060 --> 00:34:16,303 He was really going for it, but I couldn't see anything going on. 614 00:34:16,327 --> 00:34:17,669 So, all I'd know is, every now and again 615 00:34:17,693 --> 00:34:19,236 when I thought things were going quite well, 616 00:34:19,260 --> 00:34:21,003 'cause I really wanted to show off and make it good, 617 00:34:21,027 --> 00:34:23,160 "Whatever he does, I'll make it look beautiful." 618 00:34:23,193 --> 00:34:25,060 But when the car went, I was like... 619 00:34:27,327 --> 00:34:32,227 Right, of course, you're not here just to fool around on our track with your Maserati. 620 00:34:32,260 --> 00:34:35,260 Because we don't just have people in here to chat. 621 00:34:35,293 --> 00:34:37,127 You're the Star In A Reasonably Priced Car. 622 00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:38,936 You had to go out there and we see how fast you go in... 623 00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:41,927 - Yeah! I forgot about this! - ...A Suzuki Liana. 624 00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:45,227 Now this is the list of people who've been around, well, in the last series, 625 00:34:45,260 --> 00:34:46,760 and this one, as well. 626 00:34:46,793 --> 00:34:49,360 Is there anyone on here that you're particularly keen on beating? 627 00:34:49,393 --> 00:34:51,127 Who do you think I was trying to beat? 628 00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:52,193 Gordon Ramsay. 629 00:34:52,227 --> 00:34:53,493 Gordon Ramsay. 630 00:34:53,527 --> 00:34:55,627 Gordon Ramsay's a very good friend of mine 631 00:34:55,660 --> 00:34:59,860 and I've spent my whole life chasing him, and I want to beat him for once in my life! 632 00:34:59,893 --> 00:35:02,103 The only slight worry about that, from my point of view is that, 633 00:35:02,127 --> 00:35:06,327 Gordon did it in exactly the same time as me, so if you beat him you beat me, too. 634 00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:07,993 That's all right. 635 00:35:08,027 --> 00:35:10,093 And I done it! 636 00:35:10,127 --> 00:35:11,827 Shall we see how you got on? 637 00:35:11,860 --> 00:35:14,427 If I beat you I'll be the happiest boy in the world, mate. 638 00:35:14,460 --> 00:35:15,693 You'll be the deadest. 639 00:35:16,327 --> 00:35:17,493 Let's have a look. 640 00:35:20,260 --> 00:35:22,603 Gordon had a better start than that. 641 00:35:22,627 --> 00:35:24,627 You should have gone down to Specsavers! 642 00:35:27,193 --> 00:35:28,927 Oh, you got your window down! 643 00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:30,927 I know! 644 00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:32,903 You're never gonna beat Gordon, 'cause he had his window up! 645 00:35:32,927 --> 00:35:35,260 Yes, my son! 646 00:35:35,293 --> 00:35:37,293 - That's tight there. - That is really tight there. 647 00:35:38,027 --> 00:35:39,827 - Did I just hit the camera? - No. 648 00:35:39,860 --> 00:35:42,069 Gordon had finished by now and opened another restaurant. 649 00:35:42,093 --> 00:35:43,693 Oh! Nice cornering actually! 650 00:35:43,727 --> 00:35:46,603 One more corner to go, Gambon bend! 651 00:35:46,627 --> 00:35:48,427 That's quite neat as well. 652 00:35:49,027 --> 00:35:50,527 And across the line. 653 00:36:00,627 --> 00:36:03,293 So, you wanted to beat Gordon Ramsay. 654 00:36:03,327 --> 00:36:06,093 - Yes, please. - Who's here. Okay? 655 00:36:06,127 --> 00:36:08,327 Please, Gordon, this is an important thing for me. 656 00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:10,293 You've got your Michelin star, this is mine. 657 00:36:10,327 --> 00:36:12,360 Yeah, he's got more than one Michelin star. 658 00:36:12,393 --> 00:36:13,627 Oh, he's got several. 659 00:36:14,627 --> 00:36:17,527 Okay, Jamie Oliver... 660 00:36:17,627 --> 00:36:19,860 You've gotta beat 1.50. 661 00:36:19,893 --> 00:36:23,027 - Yeah. - You did it in one minute... 662 00:36:24,027 --> 00:36:25,160 ...fifty... 663 00:36:26,293 --> 00:36:27,827 - ...seconds. - Yes! 664 00:36:27,860 --> 00:36:28,993 It's a tie! 665 00:36:50,693 --> 00:36:53,860 You needn't think it'll look like that next week. 666 00:36:53,893 --> 00:36:55,769 - Here, have a bottle of baby champs. - Yeah, thanks very much. 667 00:36:55,793 --> 00:36:58,336 Since it's our luxury programme. And thank you very much for coming. 668 00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:00,603 - You have been brilliant. - Thank you, very much. 669 00:37:00,627 --> 00:37:02,460 Ladies and gentlemen, Jamie Oliver! 670 00:37:04,060 --> 00:37:05,060 That's great! 671 00:37:20,460 --> 00:37:22,227 Right, insider dealing. 672 00:37:22,260 --> 00:37:25,827 Now, Hammond, as we know, in September, there's a new BMW 5 Series. 673 00:37:25,860 --> 00:37:27,427 - There is. - Which is fantastic news, 674 00:37:27,460 --> 00:37:29,436 'cause frankly, there's nothing wrong with the old one. 675 00:37:29,460 --> 00:37:31,327 And we found some deals. How about this? 676 00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:37,327 The 5 Series ES model, 2 litre or 2.5 litre petrol engines, or 2.5 diesel. 677 00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:41,760 Same car but up to £4,000 worth of extra kit, and it's not rubbish, okay? 678 00:37:41,793 --> 00:37:48,027 It's alloy wheels, metallic paint, sports suspension, luxury interior trim fittings. 679 00:37:48,060 --> 00:37:50,927 If you have the diesel, you have three years' free servicing. 680 00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:53,493 Couple of important things here, though. Number one, 681 00:37:53,527 --> 00:37:56,093 - that means BMW dealers are dealing... - Yes! 682 00:37:56,127 --> 00:37:57,627 ...which they don't! 683 00:37:57,660 --> 00:37:59,303 - They are famous... - Once in a lifetime opportunity. 684 00:37:59,327 --> 00:38:00,603 Exactly! Famously mean. 685 00:38:00,627 --> 00:38:02,069 So, if they're giving £4,000 worth of kit, 686 00:38:02,093 --> 00:38:04,403 it might be worth having a go getting more money off the car. 687 00:38:04,427 --> 00:38:06,227 - Might be worth a go. - And it's a great car. 688 00:38:06,260 --> 00:38:08,169 - The currently outgoing 5 is brilliant. - It is! It's a fantastic car! 689 00:38:08,193 --> 00:38:09,269 They didn't need to replace it. 690 00:38:09,293 --> 00:38:10,760 Worth looking out for. 691 00:38:10,793 --> 00:38:13,627 Now, the GTV and Spider, they've been around quite a long time. 692 00:38:13,660 --> 00:38:15,360 But they're still fantastic, and that car 693 00:38:15,393 --> 00:38:17,403 still has the best headlights in the motoring industry, I think. 694 00:38:17,427 --> 00:38:19,993 Yeah, but it's flawed, it's got no boot space, 695 00:38:20,027 --> 00:38:21,627 it's an Alfa Romeo, bits drop off it... 696 00:38:21,660 --> 00:38:24,260 - But it's somehow still very cool. - It's cool. 697 00:38:24,293 --> 00:38:27,027 Now, this is being titivated in September, okay. 698 00:38:27,060 --> 00:38:30,036 It's gonna have a new face, and it's gonna have some engine revisions, and so on. 699 00:38:30,060 --> 00:38:32,203 But there are still some of the existing model knocking around. 700 00:38:32,227 --> 00:38:36,603 I had a quick ring round Alfa Romeo dealers and I found a Spider Lusso. 701 00:38:36,627 --> 00:38:39,360 So, this has got leather seats and the electric hood. 702 00:38:39,393 --> 00:38:43,360 It's £22,750, and just on the phone, he said, 703 00:38:43,393 --> 00:38:45,160 "Yours for 20 grand." 704 00:38:45,193 --> 00:38:47,093 What, so you've got 2,000... 705 00:38:47,127 --> 00:38:49,527 £2,750 off, just with a phone call. 706 00:38:49,627 --> 00:38:51,160 Excellent, okay. 707 00:38:51,193 --> 00:38:53,436 Now, if I say to you, "Big French car." What do you think? 708 00:38:53,460 --> 00:38:55,127 - "Oh, dear", usually. - Yes. 709 00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:58,193 Yes. Citroen C5, it's struggling a bit. It's a bit ugly, 710 00:38:58,227 --> 00:38:59,793 but it's very comfortable. 711 00:38:59,827 --> 00:39:01,969 And this exclusive model I've been looking at, it's loaded with kit, 712 00:39:01,993 --> 00:39:05,893 it's got electric everything, alloy wheels, climate control and all the rest of it. 713 00:39:05,927 --> 00:39:09,193 It's £19,495. 714 00:39:09,227 --> 00:39:12,293 But, there's a £3,400 cash-back deal. 715 00:39:12,327 --> 00:39:15,360 And I thought this would be tied into some ridiculous finance option 716 00:39:15,393 --> 00:39:18,003 that meant that you had to give your furniture away, as well, but it's not. 717 00:39:18,027 --> 00:39:20,460 If you go to the dealer and buy it with your Switch card, 718 00:39:20,493 --> 00:39:22,227 you still get the £3,400 cash-back. 719 00:39:22,260 --> 00:39:25,603 So, let's say it's a 16 grand car, all of a sudden... 720 00:39:25,627 --> 00:39:28,227 So you get it at 16 grand... And it's big! 721 00:39:28,260 --> 00:39:29,793 - It's big. - And it's ugly! 722 00:39:29,827 --> 00:39:31,427 Full of kit. 723 00:39:31,460 --> 00:39:33,369 If that was the equivalent of Mondeo, that would be 20... 724 00:39:33,393 --> 00:39:34,893 Nearly 21,000. 725 00:39:34,927 --> 00:39:37,603 That's actually quite a smart buy. 726 00:39:37,627 --> 00:39:39,193 James, thank you very much! 727 00:39:39,227 --> 00:39:42,493 Right, this is the performance car yardstick. 728 00:39:42,527 --> 00:39:44,860 It's the BMW M3. 729 00:39:44,893 --> 00:39:48,360 You can use it every day, or you can take it to a track. 730 00:39:48,393 --> 00:39:51,127 And it'll set your trousers on fire! 731 00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:52,960 Couple of things you might like to know. 732 00:39:52,993 --> 00:39:56,293 Obviously, you've got to avoid the sequential gearbox, which is rubbish 733 00:39:56,327 --> 00:40:00,560 and ruins the whole thing, and one other thing to avoid... 734 00:40:00,593 --> 00:40:02,160 Anyone want to guess? 735 00:40:02,193 --> 00:40:03,860 - The colour! - The colour. 736 00:40:04,793 --> 00:40:07,493 I mean, I won't have the red one, 737 00:40:07,527 --> 00:40:09,169 I won't have the blue and I won't have the black... 738 00:40:09,193 --> 00:40:11,060 I'll have bile yellow! 739 00:40:12,327 --> 00:40:14,260 So, you avoid that, you avoid the gearbox, 740 00:40:14,293 --> 00:40:16,727 and then really, you can't do better. 741 00:40:17,927 --> 00:40:18,927 Or can you? 742 00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:25,160 This is the new Audi S4. 743 00:40:25,193 --> 00:40:29,593 It doesn't look like much, but they've put a V8 under the bonnet. 744 00:40:32,293 --> 00:40:35,560 A big one. 4.2 litres. 745 00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:42,827 They've given it more doors than the BMW, and more grip, 746 00:40:42,860 --> 00:40:45,393 in the shape of four-wheel drive. 747 00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:49,393 Then, there's the price. 748 00:40:49,427 --> 00:40:54,027 At £36,000, it's £3,000 less than the M3. 749 00:40:58,827 --> 00:41:01,660 So, this, then, is Audi's lump hammer, 750 00:41:01,693 --> 00:41:04,727 built to break BMW's nut. 751 00:41:09,093 --> 00:41:11,427 So, has it worked? 752 00:41:23,393 --> 00:41:25,960 Amazingly, despite all Audi's hard work, 753 00:41:25,993 --> 00:41:29,227 in a simple straight line race down our runway, 754 00:41:29,260 --> 00:41:31,160 this was the result. 755 00:41:34,127 --> 00:41:38,493 You see, although the Audi has 1,000 more cc's and two more cylinders, 756 00:41:38,527 --> 00:41:43,793 it only develops one more brake horsepower than the lighter BMW. 757 00:41:43,827 --> 00:41:47,527 But what happens when the road gets twisty? 758 00:41:56,260 --> 00:41:59,960 Being four-wheel drive, the Audi is the opposite of a barbecue, 759 00:41:59,993 --> 00:42:02,060 it's better when wet. 760 00:42:04,660 --> 00:42:07,527 But it's also very good in the dry. 761 00:42:07,627 --> 00:42:11,127 The handling is absolutely sublime! 762 00:42:13,227 --> 00:42:15,727 This is harnessed lunacy. 763 00:42:19,027 --> 00:42:25,393 But I still don't think it's as much fun as the unhinged M3. 764 00:42:27,460 --> 00:42:29,603 That's the thing about the Audi. 765 00:42:29,627 --> 00:42:33,627 The engine is a masterpiece. It really is. 766 00:42:36,893 --> 00:42:39,793 And it's beautifully made, and very safe. 767 00:42:39,827 --> 00:42:43,027 But in terms of sheer entertainment, 768 00:42:44,260 --> 00:42:45,993 it's like a dinner party, 769 00:42:46,027 --> 00:42:50,627 civilised conversation, glass of wine, a bit of Sade on the stereo. 770 00:42:58,693 --> 00:43:00,693 Now the BMW, on the other hand, 771 00:43:00,727 --> 00:43:05,927 that's more like a 2:00 a.m. Ibiza beach barbecue. 772 00:43:36,693 --> 00:43:38,960 So, there you have it. 773 00:43:40,093 --> 00:43:41,693 The yob... 774 00:43:44,327 --> 00:43:46,427 ...and the provincial solicitor. 775 00:43:57,227 --> 00:44:01,527 So, the Audi is better value, it's more practical and it's more grown-up. 776 00:44:01,627 --> 00:44:06,327 The BMW is more of a hoot and, in a straight line, quicker. 777 00:44:06,360 --> 00:44:09,793 But we do have one more test to do, 778 00:44:09,827 --> 00:44:12,293 we've got to see which is the fastest round our tracks. 779 00:44:12,327 --> 00:44:13,736 So that means, breaking out The Stig. 780 00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:15,793 And that's a problem because 781 00:44:15,827 --> 00:44:18,393 he's been to Nashville for his holidays 782 00:44:18,427 --> 00:44:22,493 and I'm afraid he's developed a penchant for country and western music. 783 00:44:23,227 --> 00:44:24,527 Yee-ha. 784 00:44:25,827 --> 00:44:27,727 Right, first up, the BMW. 785 00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:29,993 343 horsepower, rear-wheel drive, 786 00:44:30,027 --> 00:44:32,727 160 kilograms lighter than the Audi. 787 00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:35,260 Not much can keep up with this! 788 00:44:35,293 --> 00:44:37,860 It's very tidy through the Hammerhead. 789 00:44:38,627 --> 00:44:40,227 And... 790 00:44:40,260 --> 00:44:42,203 Whoa! That is seriously quick! Through the Follow-through. 791 00:44:42,227 --> 00:44:46,027 The S4 will need to be pretty special to get close to this. 792 00:44:47,660 --> 00:44:49,193 And here is the Audi. 793 00:44:49,227 --> 00:44:50,527 Four-wheel drive, remember. 794 00:44:50,627 --> 00:44:52,860 Oh, dear! What is The Stig listening to? 795 00:45:00,627 --> 00:45:02,527 Into Chicago, looking good so far. 796 00:45:02,627 --> 00:45:05,960 Little bit of understeer, but that's not really slowed him down. 797 00:45:07,127 --> 00:45:09,060 Now, it's the Hammerhead. 798 00:45:09,093 --> 00:45:11,993 This is the real test for heavy cars like the S4, will it run wide? 799 00:45:12,760 --> 00:45:14,493 No, he's kept it in check. 800 00:45:16,027 --> 00:45:17,293 God... 801 00:45:17,327 --> 00:45:19,360 As he blasts into the Follow-through... 802 00:45:21,427 --> 00:45:26,327 A seriously quick car, fantastic V8 engine, almost as good as the BMW's. 803 00:45:26,360 --> 00:45:27,860 He's only got one more corner to go! 804 00:45:27,893 --> 00:45:31,027 It's Gambon and he's running very wide. 805 00:45:31,060 --> 00:45:33,227 And he's across the line in... 806 00:45:33,260 --> 00:45:36,260 Well, actually, we're gonna have to do the BMW time first. 807 00:45:36,293 --> 00:45:39,227 That did it in 1:31.8. 808 00:45:39,260 --> 00:45:43,227 Quicker than an Esprit V8, which is impressive. 809 00:45:43,260 --> 00:45:47,493 However, the Audi S4, which we know is slower in a straight line, 810 00:45:47,527 --> 00:45:53,460 did it in 1:30.9, that's nearly a second quicker! 811 00:45:53,493 --> 00:45:55,860 It's only just off the place than Murcielago! 812 00:45:55,893 --> 00:45:57,993 And that's in the dry, what about in the wet? 813 00:45:58,027 --> 00:46:00,093 It's funny you should mention that. 814 00:46:00,127 --> 00:46:02,669 I was talking to a racing driver the other day who'd been out in a Lister Storm, 815 00:46:02,693 --> 00:46:04,727 which is a huge, kind of Le Mans car, 816 00:46:04,760 --> 00:46:06,960 in a race, and it poured with rain. 817 00:46:06,993 --> 00:46:11,660 They sent out the safety car, which was an Audi RS4, the forerunner to this, 818 00:46:11,693 --> 00:46:13,493 it was going round to bunch them all up, 819 00:46:13,527 --> 00:46:17,860 and the bloke in the Lister Storm got on the car-to-pit radio 820 00:46:17,893 --> 00:46:21,727 and said, "Can you slow him down? I can't keep up." 821 00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:25,460 They're very good in the wet and now we find out they're very good in the dry, as well. 822 00:46:25,493 --> 00:46:27,036 So what're you gonna have, then, Jeremy? 823 00:46:27,060 --> 00:46:28,293 I don't know. 824 00:46:28,327 --> 00:46:30,627 I'll still maintain, for one lap of a track, 825 00:46:30,660 --> 00:46:34,227 the M3 is the one I'd choose, but every day... 826 00:46:34,260 --> 00:46:35,360 - The Audi. - The Audi. 827 00:46:35,393 --> 00:46:36,927 Both of us. 828 00:46:36,960 --> 00:46:39,327 Right, it's time to sort the big political issue. 829 00:46:39,360 --> 00:46:41,493 Remember, that's not foundation hospitals 830 00:46:41,527 --> 00:46:43,727 or Clare Short, we don't care about any of that! 831 00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:47,693 What we want to know is, which is the fastest political party? 832 00:46:48,627 --> 00:46:50,227 First up, the Tories. 833 00:46:50,260 --> 00:46:54,160 We've got your music lined up here, so I'm gonna set that going. 834 00:46:54,193 --> 00:46:55,927 - Good luck, take care. - Thank you. 835 00:46:56,393 --> 00:46:57,727 Go! 836 00:46:59,860 --> 00:47:02,393 And clearly Bernard's not for turning. 837 00:47:02,427 --> 00:47:04,427 Oh! Yes, he is. 838 00:47:06,793 --> 00:47:09,893 Is it me or is that the naffest PA I've ever, ever heard? 839 00:47:11,293 --> 00:47:13,427 A pretty good performance from the Tories, 840 00:47:13,460 --> 00:47:16,093 but he could still lose his deposit. 841 00:47:19,427 --> 00:47:22,493 Now, hold on, I've just got to bring everything to a brief stop there, okay. 842 00:47:22,527 --> 00:47:25,060 Because there has been a complaint. 843 00:47:25,093 --> 00:47:30,060 In fact, lain Duncan Smith is apparently going to send a letter to Greg Dyke, 844 00:47:30,093 --> 00:47:35,227 complaining that the BBC is biased against the Tory Party. 845 00:47:35,260 --> 00:47:38,027 Now the BBC is taking this very seriously, 846 00:47:38,060 --> 00:47:39,260 and so are we! 847 00:47:39,293 --> 00:47:41,427 So, we saw Bernard Jenkin, the Tory there, 848 00:47:41,460 --> 00:47:44,603 go round our nice, dry test track and set his time. 849 00:47:44,627 --> 00:47:48,693 Then we made the other candidates wait a little bit until this happened. 850 00:47:55,660 --> 00:47:58,127 Take care out there. Be brave. Here's your music. 851 00:47:59,393 --> 00:48:01,860 I'll give you a count-off, okay? Good luck. 852 00:48:07,993 --> 00:48:10,893 For Lib Dem, that was very, "We went that way, and that was it." 853 00:48:10,927 --> 00:48:12,860 Down the middle. 854 00:48:12,893 --> 00:48:15,627 I thought he was really decided for Lib Dem. 855 00:48:17,627 --> 00:48:19,893 And a well-fought campaign there. 856 00:48:19,927 --> 00:48:21,993 But is it a safe seat? 857 00:48:23,727 --> 00:48:26,160 I don't even have a driving licence! I can't drive! 858 00:48:26,960 --> 00:48:27,960 Oh, dear. 859 00:48:33,793 --> 00:48:37,627 I have had my suspicions that he might just be a ringer. 860 00:48:41,627 --> 00:48:44,727 No, he's clearly not a ringer. I've just seen what's going... 861 00:48:46,993 --> 00:48:49,927 There's some interesting gear change action occurring. 862 00:49:01,327 --> 00:49:03,603 Hmm, could this be a wasted vote? 863 00:49:03,627 --> 00:49:06,760 - Yeah, that's very chill. Fire it up! 864 00:49:12,527 --> 00:49:14,527 Things are probably coming up faster for him. 865 00:49:17,627 --> 00:49:20,893 Mmm! Bit of a shock. I'm just guessing. 866 00:49:20,927 --> 00:49:24,993 Of course, the question is, is he gonna roll? 867 00:49:25,027 --> 00:49:26,627 After the race, probably. 868 00:49:32,260 --> 00:49:33,627 The Greens. 869 00:49:33,660 --> 00:49:35,627 - Watch out for rabbits and stuff. - Thank you. 870 00:49:35,660 --> 00:49:37,627 If I do I'll bring it back. 871 00:49:37,660 --> 00:49:40,203 Would you? I'm gonna stop taking the mick out and I'll leave you to do your job. 872 00:49:40,227 --> 00:49:42,627 Here's your music, this will make you feel better. 873 00:49:44,327 --> 00:49:45,960 Good luck. 874 00:49:50,093 --> 00:49:53,127 The world's first ecologically sound wheel-spin there. 875 00:49:55,860 --> 00:49:57,527 - He left his indicator on. - Yeah. 876 00:49:57,560 --> 00:49:59,027 I don't suppose that'll slow him up. 877 00:50:04,493 --> 00:50:06,927 Uh-oh. It looks like the Green Party's about to have 878 00:50:06,960 --> 00:50:09,027 a big impact on the environment. 879 00:50:12,693 --> 00:50:14,893 But no, no, he's saved it. 880 00:50:19,093 --> 00:50:21,427 And now, our current leaders. 881 00:50:21,460 --> 00:50:23,327 This is the original red flag for you. 882 00:50:23,360 --> 00:50:24,693 Oh, how lovely! 883 00:50:24,727 --> 00:50:27,060 Start your engine. I'll give you a count off. 884 00:50:33,127 --> 00:50:36,293 Oh, dear. Still, things can only get better. 885 00:50:36,327 --> 00:50:39,660 - We can expect a bit of spin from the Labour Party. - Hey! 886 00:50:39,693 --> 00:50:41,960 Well, there's no spin, but typically, Labour 887 00:50:41,993 --> 00:50:45,993 don't know whether to go to the left or the right of the line. 888 00:50:48,927 --> 00:50:51,927 But after that he was soon back on message. 889 00:51:01,993 --> 00:51:05,660 Now, just before you write in to complain, or anybody else complains, 890 00:51:05,693 --> 00:51:07,827 there was a bit of a brouhaha following that. 891 00:51:07,860 --> 00:51:10,760 Yes, some went in the wet, some went in the dry. 892 00:51:10,793 --> 00:51:13,227 All those who went in the wet we gave the opportunity 893 00:51:13,260 --> 00:51:15,793 to have another go this morning and they have done it. 894 00:51:15,827 --> 00:51:18,027 So, these are the official results. 895 00:51:18,060 --> 00:51:22,393 And as the official returning officer for Top Gear, here they are. 896 00:51:22,427 --> 00:51:26,060 In sixth place, Alan "Howling Laud" Hope! 897 00:51:26,093 --> 00:51:28,793 Official Monster Raving Loony. 898 00:51:29,727 --> 00:51:32,027 With 2:13. 899 00:51:32,060 --> 00:51:36,160 - In fifth place, Bernard Jenkin MP... - Conservative. 900 00:51:36,193 --> 00:51:39,993 With a time of 1:41.8. 901 00:51:40,793 --> 00:51:43,327 In fourth place, Ian Dixon. 902 00:51:43,360 --> 00:51:45,060 Green. 903 00:51:45,093 --> 00:51:47,160 With a time of 1:41 seconds. 904 00:51:47,193 --> 00:51:51,027 - And in third place, Richard Burden, MP. - Labour. 905 00:51:51,060 --> 00:51:53,293 1:38.8. 906 00:51:53,327 --> 00:51:57,127 And that means, ladies and gentleman, we have a new opposition. 907 00:51:57,160 --> 00:51:59,327 And that is Mark Gibson, of the... 908 00:51:59,360 --> 00:52:01,160 Legalise Cannabis Alliance. 909 00:52:11,827 --> 00:52:14,793 Who would've thunk it, with a time of 1:36.5, 910 00:52:14,827 --> 00:52:17,793 and we have a new government this evening, ladies and gentlemen. 911 00:52:17,827 --> 00:52:20,760 - To lead that is John Ault. - Liberal Democrat. 912 00:52:20,793 --> 00:52:22,927 With 1:33.9! 913 00:52:31,527 --> 00:52:33,993 And here is your reward. It's a safe seat. 914 00:52:35,993 --> 00:52:38,327 It came out of a Volvo, so enjoy that. 915 00:52:38,360 --> 00:52:41,527 There aren't many Liberal Democrat safe seats, but thank you very much. 916 00:52:41,627 --> 00:52:44,627 Exactly, none at all. So, a round of applause there! 917 00:52:51,860 --> 00:52:54,603 And I believe that's it for this week. 918 00:52:54,627 --> 00:52:58,360 Next week, we'll have lots of very fast cars driving around, I should imagine. 919 00:52:58,393 --> 00:53:00,327 And I'm gonna make a pair of trousers. 920 00:53:00,360 --> 00:53:01,827 See you then! Good night!